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She’s the only person left on the planet who changed my diapers. She remembers the day I was born. She lives across the country; I see her very rarely.

At 91, she moves a little slower and shakier—but she’s as sharp and salty as ever. She reads like crazy but she doesn’t use a computer— and she has no idea that I recently wrote a post about how I wish I had more of my mother’s clothing.

So it was an amazing sign from the universe when I saw her last week— she brought me a dress of my mom’s that she wanted me to have.

I’m thrilled to have my mom’s dress; and over the years she’s given me so much more.

When my mom died of cancer at 41, I didn’t yet appreciate or understand the depth of their relationship. Years later, I learned that this was the person to whom my mom confided her secrets, and asked to watch over her 3 children.

Our father took great care of us; and she had her own family. Still, she kept her promise to my mother….to this very day.

She’s the closest my kids ever came to having a grandmother. They call her “Aunt Helen”; because that’s what I call her. But we’re not related by blood; we’re related by love.

My mother had a sister; Aunt Helen is the sister my mother chose for herself.

Back in the day, “aunt” was what we kids called women who were close friends of the family. I wish there was a better word in the lexicon to describe these close ties—with people who are closer than friends but aren’t relatives.

With families that are fragmented and scattered and blended, we aren’t all lucky enough to have families who are there for us -—geographically, physically or emotionally. But if we’re really really lucky, we have friends who define what family truly means—-even though our mothers told us blood is thicker than water.

Friends are the family we choose for ourselves. I feel grateful that my mom chose so well—and I wish everyone could have an Aunt Helen.

(I originally wrote this for Savvy Auntie's Day but thought I'd share it [with some revisions] as the question of the day.)


I have six aunts, but I'm closest to my dad's youngest sister, Terry. (Dad's other sister, Anne, has down's syndrome, and while I do adore her too, she's lived her own life, on her own, with help, further away, so I didn't see her as often.) I suppose that it helps that I've been mistaken of being her daughter since the day I was born. Even today, when people meet the two of us together, they remark at how closely alike we look. However, that's not why she's my "best" savvy auntie. I suppose she is because she's the aunt I know the most.

It also didn't help that she's also my single aunt who could spoil my siblings and I silly! She is eight years younger than my dad; she was only a year out of high school when I came along. I guess it was lucky for me that I'm the oldest grandchild on that side of the family, as I got the brunt of the spoiling!

Earliest memories are also with Aunt Terry around. I can still here my dad complaining about how she never bought batteries for Christmas when she'd buy all those toys that needed them. She never came to visit without having at least one thing for each of us.

When I was younger, and before my sisters joined the family, I would get to go spend the weekend with her. We lived an hour away, so going to her house was extra special. Since she still lived with her parents, I got a special "going to Grandma's" suitcase to take with me. I remember packing it carefully so we could go to a family member's evening wedding. I was so tickled that night as it was the first time I felt like a "big girl" because we were out past my bedtime, in the dark (the dark was important, for some reason) and my parents weren't around.

Aunt Terry took my brother and I for a week the summer that our mom was pregnant with our youngest sister. She took us to New Hampshire to visit "Story Land", a theme park. I remember my brother being afraid of a ride, and I freaked out our aunt by going on the roller coaster - twice - with an adult cousin. My favorite picture of that day is of me wearing my pink, shirtsleeve shirt with the ice cream cone on it, holding the little stuffed squirrel that I just had to have and she bought for me.

Aunt Terry once got me a couple fancy traveling cases for my birthday. The following year I packed them in the car, empty, when we went to visit around my birthday. It was quite reasonable in my mind: I was going to get birthday presents and I needed to have SOMETHING to put them all in! My parents thought that was presumptuous of me to think that way, but you know it .... they came home full!

Aunt Terry spared no expense on the stuff she got for us. Today we tease him about it, but as soon as our cousin was born, the big, fancy, multiple presents stopped! Being a single mom took most of her money, but Aunt Terry has always been a generous soul, and still is. With 3 nieces to love, she would make sure that we girls had matching items, with different colors. Since my sisters are only 22 months apart, and usually fit in the same items after they were preschoolers, they'd get the same outfits. My brother naturally got the same item as her son, which tickled our cousin to no end to be just like his big cousin!

She is also a fabulous cook, just like her mom, who died before I was born. Being Italian, life revolved around the dinner table after Sunday Mass, and the recipes passed down from generation to generation, she cooks with skill. Whether it is meatballs, veal cutlets, fresh pitzels, superior spaghetti sauce, Easter Bread, pasta, cakes, lasagna or even a lowly salad, no one can make it as good as Aunt Terry does! (I am a horrible cook, I'm sorry to say!)

Aunt Terry has been there to listen to me wail and complain, though, to this day, she doesn't like to hear about my fights with my dad. (I'm sure she heard them all from his point of view, too!) As their mom died when they were kids, and their dad when they were in their 20's, she idolizes my dad and doesn't take criticism of him well, but she still listens. Dad and I were always too much alike in character and gracious, we butted heads a lot as I got older!

She growls at me because I keep my toes painted. She reminds me often of how my dad would NEVER let her paint her toes because "only prostitutes do that" and how he's rolling in his grave because my toes are pink, or orange, or green, or blue. I remind her that since painting my toes is the only thing I ever went out of my way to do to tick him off, everyone should be GRATEFUL! I still paint my toes every 3 weeks.

Now that I am the aunt, Aunt Terry loves to spoil them as much as I do! I guess I learned my auntie lessons well, and my nieces look just like me. Now that my cousin is grown and out of college, she's got money to spend again, and she delights in shopping for the girls and my baby nephew.

My dad died six years ago, and Aunt Terry wants to be sure that my nieces and nephew get to know their grandfather. My dad made it important that we learn about our family's legacy, and she continues that cause for him. Our family has a tremendous legacy of volunteerism and giving to the community and to our state, and now that she is the only one left of their generation to pass the torch, she does it with her expert skill, dedication, and love. These days she's the primary contact person for my grandmother in a nursing home and her sister, whose health is failing, but she's still there for us and it hasn't diminished her giving spirit. If there's one thing I've learned best from her, it is to cherish and love the family, no matter what. That, and how to be a great, savvy auntie!

I am blessed with two sisters and one great sister-in-law, whom fits into the family like a hand in a glove. I am also blessed that each of them have given me a niece, and that each of them are working on babies 4, 5, and 6!

Niece number four is due to begin her arrival at 8:30am today. She will be the little sister of niece #3, Lizzie. Naturally, with the announcement earlier this month that my sister-in-law is expecting, everyone is talking about babies!

So aren't my nieces. They've got babies on the brain because they are 28, 26, and 23 months old. I don't think they grasp how their worlds are going to change yet. Or maybe they do. Lizzie knows that Mommy has Lee Lee in her belly, and that Auntie Jay has a baby in her belly, and that Auntie Elle has a baby in her belly.

I was holding Lizzie in the vestibule of our church this weekend. It was after the sermon, and we were milling about, talking about babies and meeting our brand new, first time we meet him pastor. Talk was about Lee Lee, who's making her debut today (we hope labor doesn't go into tomorrow!).

Lizzie poked my size B left breast several times and, in front of everyone, announced, "Baby Lee Lee in there!"

“We were meant to be Tia’s”, my friend Gabriela, said to me as we were riding on the increasingly muddy rode to the beach. I recently returned from Nicaragua, where the rainy season had started and after each nightly downpour the roads became a little less accessible.

Gabriela is a Tia to her niece in Argentina. She is also providing support, encouragement and guidance (wonderful aunt-like qualities) to the young children in her new home- town of Salinas, Nicaragua. Gabriela and her husband, James, moved to Nicaragua from New York City 5 years ago. As they got to know their new home and neighbors they discovered that there were many local children who were not able to attend school due to lack of supplies or because they were needed to work to help raise money for their families. Knowing the importance of an education, they created a community library (Biblioteca LosTres Ernestos) as a place where children could study, read and find support for the schoolwork.

I am in complete awe of what they have created. I arrived for my first visit at 8:30 A.M. as the librarian, Ariciella, was opening the doors. There were three children waiting and it was obvious this was a place that was very familiar to them. They immediately pitched in, taking the wooden planks off the windows and going over to a desk to look at books. The library is humble. There are several wooden tables with chairs and shelves containing approximately 500 books. There is a map of the world and of Nicaragua. On the walls, there are references you would see in libraries or classrooms such as the letters of the alphabet and numbers. All of the materials in the library come from donations and volunteers have visited to offer workshops for the children. I arrived with books and supplies but since I am not fluent in Spanish I was not sure how I would interact directly with the children. Well, after a few days of getting to know the kids and some intense language instruction, I decided to give it a try. I chose a lesson that combined art and language and the kids created “Stories without words”. Each child made a book the contained the elements of a simple story (character, setting, problem and solution). The kids were so involved and eager to work on their project with the older students helping the younger ones. At the end, they proudly shared their stories with the group. Now that I have visited once, I am eager to return, this time knowing what is needed, how to plan and with a lot more Spanish under my belt.

To find out more about Biblioteca LosTres Ernestos visit http://aprendernicaragua.com/