It has been my professional and personal passion to expand and enhance connections. As a psychotherapist and parenting counselor I have worked with thousands of people and this is primarily their pursuit as well. To connect with another person, the most common hurdle to cross is our unconscious belief that others are mostly like ourselves. It is particularly true when the relationship is an intimate one. Most of our misunderstandings, disappointments and conflicts occur from this belief.

We all exist in a “narcissistic bubble” thinking others are in the same place at the same time as we are. There are many ways we try to break out of our expectations. It has almost become a human quest!  We’ve heard so many of these expressions:  “What do you do?”; “Where are you from?”;  and “What’s your sign?”  But these categorizations are merely stereotypes, whether professional, regional, ethnic or astrological. Worse than that, they’re dead ends.

It has been my experience that knowing how you take in the world through your senses and then assessing how someone else does is most effective. Whether family, friends, lovers or bosses, relationships are improved and growth is enhanced.

What are the sense channels?

KINESTHETIC…taking in the world by moving in space

AUDITORY…experiencing life through hearing

TACTILE…feeling, both physically and emotionally

OLFACTORY/TASTE… being focused on odors and food

VISUALLY …watching and looking

Take this little test to determine your most dominant sense mode and least used mode…then think of someone close to you and see if you are a match or a mismatch.

You may be KINESTHETIC if…
You crave physical exercise.
You are always on the go.
Have a sense of life being something you move through.
Your career is a climb to the top.

You may be AUDITORY if...
You are bothered by poor acoustics in a public place.
You can hear a melody and reproduce it vocally or instrumentally.
You hear music in your head, often.
You are impressed with someone’s speaking voice.

You may be TACTILE if…
You have strong fabric preferences or sensitivities.
The seam of your sock being out of line is irritating.
Animals are deeply important to you.
Your emotional life is very sensitive.

You may be OLFACTORY/TASTE if….
A wonderful birthday gift is your favorite cologne.
It seems as if the sauce needs more seasoning.
It is important that you eat in your favorite restaurant.
You don’t see any point in having flowers that don’t have an aroma.

You may be VISUAL if…
Color is very important.
You relax by reading.
You have an intense memory for décor or fashion.
You collect art.
You are an observer more than a doer.

You are now ready to apply this system to someone in your life:
Buy a present for a niece or nephew in THEIR sense mode.
Talk to your sister or brother in THEIR dominant mode.
Settle a disagreement with a lover or spouse by listening to their side as an expression of THEIR preferred sense. And expressing how you SEE it, HEAR it, FEEL it etc.
Meet someone new by paying attention to THEIR mode and playing to it.
Consider an old parent/child concern by attending to THEIR dominant mode.

This method works because you are out of your “bubble;” your empathy is enhanced and your judgment of right and wrong are suspended. Your relationships will flourish!

In future articles I will talk to specific relationships, how to really meet someone new, how to deepen your current connections and how to use “The Sense Connection™” - as described in my forthcoming book by the same name - to further your own inner contentment. Please get in touch with me directly, or comment below so everyone can see how your ‘Sense Connections™’ are working.