Godmothers have a unique place in Savvy Auntiedom: they are the only group that is explicitly chosen, not self-appointed like Aunties-by-Choice (ABCs) or automatically bequeathed a role by a blood or marriage relationship (aunts, great-aunts, aunties-in-law).

The fact that we are chosen is a double-edged sword: on one hand, it means that our godchild’s parents believe we are special enough to act as a guide and mentor to their child. On the other hand, it can mean hurt feelings and disappointment for the person who is not chosen.

Though the decision of whom to choose as godparents is, at its base, a religious one, let’s face it: parents are not going to choose someone they abjectly dislike to the role. While a parent’s choice may be based on spiritual, symbolic or practical reasons, in the end, the choice takes on the air of a popularity contest. How much store you set by the contest will determine how much it hurts you not to be chosen.

I have no problem admitting that I waited nine years to become a godmother; they were nine long years. I spent them waiting patiently in public and anxiously in private to hear that I finally would have a little person who would be entrusted to me to love, guide and help care for (and, of course, spoil!).

But the reason for that disappointment was, for the most part, the result of my own expectations rather than the explicit choices of the parents. It’s important to respect the privilege of the parents to choose their child’s godparents and to let the process play out at their pace.

So what did I do in the meantime? I became an ABC to my good friend’s two kids, who live close by and are far away from their own aunties. I also enjoyed being a mommy to my dog and two cats.

Being a godmother is a daily affirmation of acceptance and of love; it is truly a wonderful gift to receive.

Melanie Linn Gutowski, Savvy Auntie’s Associate Editor, is a proud Godmother and ABC.

Published: June 12, 2010