By Sara Abadi

From showering them with gifts to buying that extra scoop of ice cream that mom said no to, there are many ways of being the "cool" aunt to your nieces and nephews. Is it enough to just be a fun aunt, or do you make extra effort to edge out the competition of your siblings or in-laws to become the “favorite” aunt?

Sure, you joke with the other aunts in your family about being the favorite, but when does friendly competition go too far? One aunt calls her visits to see her family “Operation Favorite Aunt.” Some aunts blog about being the loved the best by their nieces and nephews and there are even instructional posts online strategizing how to become your niece or nephew’s favorite.

What seems like family fun can actually be a sign that you’re too competitive. On his Web site, Dr. Phil describes how some people are "competition freaks who have to be first, be the best or win at every thing they do. This overly competitive nature oftentimes causes tension in their personal relationships.”

Do you see other aunts in your family someone to beat? Do you constantly keep score of what the other the aunts are doing with your nieces and nephews and compare to what you do? Do you compete for your niece or nephew’s love and attention?

According to Eve Winer, PhD, a psychologist from Flushing, NY, “An individual who is competing for attention will do more talking than listening. They just want to make themselves look good.”

Winer says that insecurity is often at the root of competing for attention and that an aunt who does this is probably a person who lacks self confidence. One of the best ways she suggests avoiding competition is having a strong image of yourself.  “Try to improve self-concept, accept oneself and see one's virtues,” she says. What is your value system? Are you judging yourself for superficial accomplishments?”

Similarly, Dr. Phil suggests his readers live an authentic life. “Discover who you really are, and accept yourself," he explains on his Web site. “Remember that you are an individual, and people will form an opinion about you based on your own actions, not how you compare to someone else. If you are living true to your authentic self and are happy with who you are, you shouldn't need to win in every situation.”

As much fun as it may be to claim you’re the favorite among all of your niece or nephew’s aunts, what is really important in this situation? Your niece and nephew are lucky to have a loving aunt such as yourself and even luckier if there are other aunts in the picture who care as much as you do. Focus on being the best aunt you can be and don’t worry so much about other aunts in the family are doing.

Sara Abadi is a freelance writer.