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Today is the 6th anniversary of my dad's unexpected death. No way can it be 6 years already! He's missed so much life since then...
I am usually at peace with his passing; he had started down a road of chronic ill health to come when he passed, though he wasn't sick enough at the time to think that death was imminent. He died of a pulmonary embolism, which is a burst clot in the lungs. Pardon me as I give you my health speech, but this is the same condition that felled NBC News anchor & reporter David Bloom at the beginning of the Iraq war earlier in the year. His clot was in his leg; its formally called DVT. http://www.clotcare.com/clotcare/dvtstorymelaniebloom.aspx
Dad's formed because he had suffered a heart attack two days before. Doctors told us later that its not uncommon for clots to form in the blood after a heart event, and so instant death from an undiagnosed clot isn't uncommon enough for it to be a surprise, but its not a common side effect either. Its also not something that can be diagnosed until autopsy. Dad was being discharged from cardiac ICU when he collapsed in front of his doctors; if he could have been saved, he couldn't have been in a better place to ensure his survival.
Dad was also diabetic. If you have someone in your life who is, I urge to you read up on heart attacks in diabetics. They do not have the typical symptoms of angina & heart attack. Dad had been exhibiting symptoms for up to 3 days prior to his collapse that brought him to the hospital two days prior to his death. His symptoms were cold sweats, indigestion, headache, and other "flu" symptoms. None of us knew that diabetics don't have traditional pain in the chest & down the left arm.
Alas, my dad died at age 56 and left behind his wife of 31 years and 4 adult children.
He also left behind the hope of things yet to come. Dad was already on the grandparent track. None of us were married then; my sisters were dating the men who are now their husbands, but Dad was already talking about grandbabies. That's what he called them. He was planning on staying home and being their nanny while everyone else headed off to work. Had he survived, I doubt he would have been healthy enough by now to spend the time with them that he envisioned, but I have no doubt he'd be the proudest Pupah in the world. He'd be the type of man with the photo buttons on his vest, showing them off to every person who'd walk by his butler cart at the store. (He was a product demonstrator for the local supermarket.)
Dad & I were too much alike; we clashed often. Amazing how most of that fades away the day he's taken away and now I have no one to argue with, eh? Even so, he, like his sister Terry, the savvy aunt I profiled on Savvy Auntie Day, instilled a fierce and loyal love of family. When the world caves in, what you've got left is family. They circle the wagons, they stick like glue, or flies on fly paper. You might want to kill them or drive them into the nearest wall, but they're still family.
As a family of six, we had to share everything. To this day, I have difficulties eating an entire can of olives. One of our family's favorite foods, we had to ration each can out so each of us could have some. We were allowed 6 olives each to start with, and to this day, I can't grab more than 6! He loved multiplies. If he was given a freebie at a store, he'd ask for 5 more. You didn't get a goodie unless your siblings could get it, too. My mom remarked that with grandchild #6 on the way, he'd be in 7th heaven!
It's snowing today; our first big nor'easter of the season. Before he was a product demonstrator, he plowed snow for a nearby city. Snow was his passion. He taught me to drive in the snow, and when I'd have to come home at night during a snow storm (I worked at a nursing home then) he'd plow my route home and wait for me to pass by. Today my nieces will be frolicking in the snow. He'd be out there teaching them how to build snowmen, of that I have no doubt.
I feel the weight on my shoulders to make sure my nieces and nephew learn about the Pupah they never got to meet, who loved them before they were twinkles in our eyes. They already know his face from pictures on the wall, but I want them to KNOW the man behind that familiar face. At his funeral, we had a notebook available for visitors to share stories in it and my mom has it in safe keeping, for the kids when they are older.
Last weekend I glanced at Lee Lee and I saw my dad smiling back at me from her pudgy cheeks. He's still with us in so many ways, but when I think of his loss, I feel cheated for my babies' sake that they lost the man who adored them before they were even born. All I can do now is love them with all the love he once showered their parents and I.